Running Again

I have sat down to write this blog entry a few times, but can't seem to get it out. Let me start off by saying this post is not about running, although tomorrow I am planning to run for the first time in a few weeks. My first blog post was planned to be the announcement that I am pregnant and to start sharing my journey and stories of running while pregnant. Sadly, that's not going to be the case for me. 

Two weeks ago I went in for my 12-week OB appointment. For me, this was a standard appointment and not significant. In fact, I didn't even bring my husband. We had already seen the baby twice and saw a strong heartbeat in both cases. This was just an appointment to confirm I could post that Facebook announcement I had already written in my head about expanding our family. I had even taught our oldest almost 2 year old to say Big Sister. I was completely unprepared when the doctor shared the sad news and told me that the baby was not viable. When I look back now, I remember just trying to hold it together as tears pooled and started pouring down my cheeks. I was completely in shock as I stepped through the process to quickly schedule the surgery for early the next morning. 

As the day progressed, I grew even more sad mourning the loss of this baby. That night it became clear that my body was going to handle the process on it's own. Unfortunately, it became a problem as I became light headed and felt that I was going to pass out several times. We quickly headed to the hospital where I passed out as we checked into the hospital and continuously had issues with my blood pressure dropping significantly. After tests, consultations and evaluations, it was determined that I needed to have an emergency surgery that evening.

The surgery took allot out of me. The first two days I could not stand up without feeling that I had to pass out. I slowly started walking again and even climbing stairs winded me. I had been told to hold off exercising for two weeks and frankly, I couldn't have run even if I tried. I have finally gotten my strength back. It's not nearly 100%, but I am feeling much better and eager to get back to my workout routines.

I know it's common to miscarry with pregnancy, there is a 20% chance with each pregnancy. As I have shared my story, more and more people have shared that they had a miscarriage and can share in the heartbreak of hearing the news that this was not meant to be and comfort on the hope for the future. I am still grieving the loss, but trying to stay positive and hope that we have another opportunity to expand our family. 

In the meantime, I am going back to running. I am looking forward to the run tomorrow. I know it will be tough as I haven't worked out in weeks and compounded with the surgery, I am winded easily and slow, but that's okay. At this point, it's just about getting back to something that I love doing, running.